These Things Take Work

things have been rough. 

I won't go into detail...but I am so grateful I have my wonderful missionary to remind me even families sometimes get sick. 

10 weeks - a little on the personal side

only 10 more weeks. 10. I'm not sure what to do with myself at this point...and I know that feeling of nervousness and excitement will only increase.

this week's reason I am waiting 15 more weeks is because of his dedication to me and to us. In July, two years ago, cameron took me on the most special date I have ever been on. We went up to the canyon and had a fire. I guess that seems like a pretty standard date....but half way through our fire cameron wrapped his arms around me and told me the sweetest things I've ever heard...then he promised me that if I wait for him, he will take me to the temple and marry me forever. Then he pulled out the prettiest ring and slipped it on my finger. After that...I was officially waiting for my cameron.

There has been lots of different parts of my waiting experience. Right after cameron left, (from october 2010 up until march 2011) I was in a sorts of depression. Not really depression, just true sadness because I had lost my best friend and the idea of two years scared me to pieces. I stayed home a lot and cried even more. It was very rough. That summer was better. I was more myself, and more comfortable with the idea of being 'alone' for two years and waiting. The fall brought a new school and a new chapter in my life...with lots of new emotions. My friends all moved away for school and I stayed home, to commute to my lovely school and (in all honesty) save money and prepare to be married. I bought a car and got (what I call) a grown up job. It was a plan that I was completely happy with until it began. When my friends moved away and left me, I began to feel resentment towards cameron and myself. Not that he had ever ever ever told me to stay home and wait, but because I had made decisions for 'us' and 'us' wasn't real, so to speak. That was probably the hardest time for me. I moved my ring to my thumb finger and began to be complacent about cameron and about our relationship. Not because I didn't love him, but because it is beyond words hard to love someone you never see or talk to. It is so very hard.

Our christmas conversation was great, but not magical. And I started to think seriously that cameron and I weren't going to last. We had made it a year and had a good run...but regardless of my doubts, I kept my ring on and continued to pray for us. From January to April I lost 40 pounds, and with it, all doubt I had about us and about my life. I know that may seem corny, but it's not. It truly made my life so much happier and my relationship with cameron so much happier. I was more proud of who I was and who I was to him. I was proud to have him tell me I'm beautiful or attractive, because, for the first time in our entire relationship, I believed it. It's not something easy to understand, and if you've never been overweight you don't know what a major impact it has on such basic aspects of your life. The change of mind I gained when I lost the weight this spring gave me the courage to re-acess my relationship and goals with cameron. After much praying and pondering I realized what I already knew. Cameron is the best man I know, and I love him deeply. I want nothing more than to be sealed to him and raise a family together. In a sense, I fell in love with him all over again. He is my best friend and although I had forgotten there for a while, I know I am blessed to have this opportunity to wait for him. My reward, in october, will make all the sadness and insecurity seem silly.

Now, my reason for still waiting...although for some months I had forgotten, cameron never did. And his commitment to me never wavered. He has sent me at least one letter and two emails every week since he left. Most weeks I get two letters. One on wednesday and one on friday and email on monday. He has always told me that he wants the time I go without hearing him tell me he loves me to be short, so he plans the days to send his letters accordingly.

Cameron has always been ideal and understanding, through all this. And although it took some self discovery and change on my part I know that we are both where we are supposed to be. This was the right choice for me and I am humbled at how blessed I am to be given the opportunity to wait for such a valiant man.

Watch Out World

After a mad craving I created a caramel infused hot chocolate that even starbucks would be proud of. Who doesn't crave hot chocolate on June 24th? 

And...Exhale

It's over. I made it through the week and it is all over.

Friday night patrick and I drove up to Hennifer to volunteer for Ragnar.
Just in case I never told you, I love running and LOVE ragnar. Sadly, because of a combination of factors, my team wasn't able to run Wasatch Back this year. I was craving ragnar. Darin, from work, asked me to be on his team a month or so ago, but that didn't work out, so I decided to volunteer for his team.
Our shift was from 11:30 to 4am. It was the best! We directed traffic and got to hangout with lots of insane runners. I talked to some of the crazies and got a way more compliments on my boots than I've ever have. I guess in the dark, after too much running, my boots look killer ;)
We danced to team's music and got free shirts. It smelled like ragnar and I was completely jealous.
SO...I am on a mission to put together a vegas team. My mom is on board, so I think we're set. The best part? Vegas ragnar is November 9 & 10. I'll have a boyfriend then. Guess who is going to run ragnar with my crazy team? I could not be happier. I feel like this will be the best test of our love ever. Sure, we can be apart for two years and still be in love....BUT, can we make it through ragnar without killing each other? I guess we'll find out. I am stoked!!

Patrick and I made it home around 5:15am on saturday and took a long summer's nap. Actually, we just went to bed and I could only sleep 5 hours, but that's basically the same thing right? For whatever reason I couldn't sleep so I went for a run and ended up running fivish miles and getting one heck of a sunburn. Oh yeah, it's summer and I have orange hair. I forgot how that works.

After my run I spent all day working on my father's day talk. seriously, all day. It was a ten minute talk that took me ten hours to write. I guess that's how it works. As nervous as I was though, I really enjoyed everything I learned about and read. I guess there really is no better way to learn than to have to teach. Let's just say, I am SO happy to have that over with. I am so grateful for all my friends in the ward. I kept focusing on friendly faces. Annie (probably the cutest girl in the world) saw me up on the stand and started sticking her tongue out at me. I looked around and stuck my tongue out at her. It's funny how the silliest things can calm your nerves.

As soon as I was done speaking I was instantly relieved and was able to enjoy the superb speakers afterwards, one of which included Brother Robertson. Have I ever mentioned how much I love that family? because I do. Every little family that makes up that family is special to me. He calmed my nerves prior to my talk and made me cry during his talk. After words he told me if he had a sign, he'd give me a ten. Then Borther Malonea (that's def. spelled wrong), who is also part of that amazing family, came up and gave me a hug. He told me I am progressing so well and that I did an awesome job. See how great these people are? I love them! My ward made me calm down and feel special. I love them so much.

Last night I went and saw Ann's play at the Murray Amphitheater, Joesph and the Technicolor Dream Coat. It was amazing. I love going to her shows. They are always so fun and done so well. I sat alone because I couldn't find my co-workers, but made some great friends sitting by me. One man's son played one of the servants. He was so proud of his son and kept telling me all about him. Fathers are cute. As I was sitting there I was thinking how ready I am to no longer be a loner at things or even better, a third wheel. Yes, I am much better at making friends with strangers, but I can't wait to have my cam man with me.

And now, here on sunday afternoon I am wasting time on the computer curled up on my bed, feeling a million times better than I did this past week. Hopefully my headache will go away and this week will be more enjoyable than all the stress of the past one.

Obsessed....

I may or may not have listened to this song 20 something times since buying it yesterday.

I am so grateful for ipods and hipster bands.

Misery Loves Company

Perhaps the next time you want to make fun of me like this, you should
remember that my brother follows you on twitter. 

And here's an idea...If you really hate me this much, maybe you should stop creeping on my blog. 

We're not friends, so you don't have to keep tabs on me. I'm doing just fine with out you.

Oh, and remember how I decided to not be your friend anymore? This is exactly why. I don't know why you've chosen to hate me so much, but I refuse to let you bring me down. Go ahead and keep playing the victim. Keep telling our friends that you have no idea why I wrote you off
and I'll keep doing my thing. 

My last word of advice to you: If you are really this unhappy in your life, that you have to constantly judge what I am doing and try to bring me down, perhaps you should make a change. Or you can just keep stalking my blog and writing crap about me, it's actually quite flattering. 

This Is Getting Out of Hand

I seem to have a small obsession with yellow sticky notes at work.

I use them for everything. Notes, passwords, & reminders. I feel like I may need an intervention...or at least a clean sweep.

That (Awesome) Moment

When your camera just falls off your tripod. Right off. For no reason.

Then you pick it up & the lens is broken. Ya, I'm there. A piece of me just died.

Please oh please be able to fix it Cannon factory. Please. please. please.

Because the Dixie Chicks Know What's Up

That Awkward Moment...

when you realize you've become your mom.

I was thinking this afternoon about my mom & it occurred to me that we have a lot in 

common these days.

we love to spend our Friday nights watching the food networking and eating popcorn.

we consider slim fast and fat-free hot chocolate a major food group.

we work at SOS Staffing and call each other "turkey" over IM.

we like gieco commercials and the biggest loser. 

we are super competitive and share clothes (finally!)

we obsess over weighing and eating right because we've both been fat.

we are each other's biggest cheerleader (besides my dad) and love to go to primary together.

we believe in God's plan and know that when all else fails, you have your family. 

She is my best friend and is the best person I could become. 

She has supported me through all the ups and downs of the past weeks and year & I know will continue to support me in all that I do.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful example and friend.

Addicted

I may need a yogurt machine and a granola dispenser, I'm addicted.

52 Reasons

 I love pinterest....and thanks to that wonderous website, I have found a project to make for cam for christmas. I did the 12 days of christmas last year, and wanted to do something equally cute, but different this year, and here it is!

52 reasons I love him.

I've decided to share all 52 on my blog, so here's a few for today. (ps they are written to him)

I love you because....

1.       On our second date, when we went to see Valentine’s Day, after the movie you took my hand and danced with me in the middle of the Jordan landing plaza. I was so nervous and scared that I didn’t really dance with you….But I loved every bit of that moment.

2.      When we were walking up the stairs at prom and you held my hand, it was just so sweet.

3.      Because of your cheesy pickup lines. Remember the football one? I couldn’t figure out why you were talking about football during the movie, then you made “the move.” classic cameron.

4.       Because on our first date you wore that blue and black sweater and smelled better than anyone I’ve ever smelt. you still smell better than anyone...ever.

5.    Because you couldn’t remember my middle name OR my birthday at dinner on prom. Some date you were (:

6.      Because you had a job all through high school. You weren’t some lazy boy that mooched of his parents. You were responsible and hopefully still are {wink, wink}

7.    You have the most perfect teeth of anyone I’ve ever met. Our children will be so blessed in the dental portion of their lives.

8.       You almost cried when you got your hair cut…But in all honestly, you look so much older and so much more like a man with it short. I absolutely love it that way.

9.    You have old man phrases, like “Oh, geez” and a tendency to quote journey songs. you are sooooo old.  I love it.

10.  Because that one time I had a tennis match at copper hills and you promised to come and then you didn’t. I was so mad at you, but then you came to my house that night, practically in tears with flowers because your jeep had broken down. I felt so awful and you did too, but I knew that you truly loved me because you cared so much

Okay those are my first ten. He's such a stud :) and I am so very blessed

I'm That Person

Sometimes...when the weather is super nice and I'm going to maui soon, I need to run. I ran yesterday and after italian for dinner I felt the need to run today (my cheese cake in the fridge also added to that need) So after some visiting teaching I laced up my shoes and hit the ground, running. (no pun intended.) I figured, it's sunday, I'll be quick and no one will catch me in my sin.
wrong.
haha I'm pretty sure everyone in my home ward decided they should be out tonight. Maybe they knew i'd be out for a run and they wanted to increase my guilt about not resting on the sabbath. Whatever it was, I wish they had been inside. haha.
Unfortunetly, chubbiness does not rest on sundays, so, when the weather is like this...neither can I. I just hope next time I don't get caught ;)

Okay I Know I'm Lame

Okay okay...I'm probably the LAST person on earth to listen to them, but this weekend has been one of discovery...as far as music goes! I found three new bands I absolutely LOVE.
1. The Black Keys.
2. Airborne Toxic Event.
3. He is We.
All three are totally different, but I'm loving them! It's so nice to change up your music sometimes! My favorite of the new songs I've found is "I Wouldn't Mind" by He is We. The best line is "Forever is a long, long time. But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side. Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile, I wouldn't mind it at all. I wouldn't mind it, at all."





Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile. I wouldn't mind it...at all.
I have a thing for perfect white teeth. I have a thing for this kid.

  
I know I'm probably the last one ever to "discover" this new music, but hey, i'm a little lame. No worries. If I have my headphones in the next time you see me, don't worry, I'm just loving these bands. Check them out :)

My Wardie Date

SO...Last night I went on a date with a good friend of mine from my ward. Yes, a wardie. He was the boy that took me on my very very first date back when I turned 16. We recently kind of became friends again (sort of) after being out of touch for a couple years. He asked me on a date last week after my interesting day at church with him and I agreed. I was super nervous because in all honesty when I was 16 I liked this boy. A lot. I had the biggest crush on him right from the first time I talked to him at mutal. But feelings were not shared and time passed on. I was nervous about my date last night because I didn't know how I still felt about this boy. I didn't know if the feelings I had for him back a few years ago were still prevalent. I still thought he was attractive, but did I like him? This worried me. I was worried I was putting myself in a situation that would not be good for me and cameron. The week leading up to our date I couldn't help but feel guilty because I knew how I had once felt about this boy. But I ended up going anyways and it was the best decision I could have made. My date was fun. We went to cafe rio for dinner. We went and walked on the jordan parkway and talked and talked. We went to get frozen yogurt and my date even sang in the car. By all measures it was a good date. But it was nothing compared to dates with cameron, and that's what was so good. My memories of my first date with my wardie were that is was spectacular. I just thought it was the greatest date ever and that I was so in love with this boy. I thought we was just the greatest thing in the world...Now, not as much. I have good memories, but I think I have a better perspective of things in my life. I have goals and plans and expectations. Things that this man does have, but also things that he does not have. I have a list to stay true to for marriage and my wardie differs from what I want. No, I was not planning on marring mr. wardie by any means, but now I realize just how important those goals for my husband and my life are.
 Sorry this has been A LOT of rambling...but I feel like I've just been awakened in ways. I am so glad I went on that date because I feel in love with cameron more. The way he treats me and talks to me and the feelings he has for me are special. I am so blessed to have such an amazing man in my life who has dedicated his life to God. That is the kind of man I want to marry and the one I will :) I guess it's good for me to go on dates because it makes me realize just how happy I am with cameron. AND...tomorrow is his birthday :)
Happy Sunday!