I hate to admit this...but I ended up going to the high school choir concert tonight in support of my brother. I haven't been to wj since I left the morning of graduation. It was so weird to be back in the hall ways and to see so many familiar people. College is weird. I know no one. I am no one. That was never the case in high school. Even tonight friendly faces, including Mrs. Robertson, went out of their way to say hi to me. I miss that. I miss mattering and having a place. I love this new part of my life, but going back tonight made me realize the lack of appreciation I had for such a great time in my life.
The other part of my nostalgia has to do with my missionary. I saw his old locker tonight. It brought back memories of the days I used to wait after school and "conveniently" talk to my friends in front of his locker just to see if he'd look my way. He always did. We had such a silly relationship back then. We'd walk right past one another in the hallways, even though we both wanted to say hello to one another, simply because we were too scared. Ya, we're very alike. I remember the days I'd sit at the lunch table to face his table and him. We'd make eye contact all lunch but neither of us acted upon it. We were so silly. Although I don't miss the awkwardness and shyness between us, I miss seeing him. I miss having a text message telling me how beautiful and loved I am when I wake up. I miss having someone to share my nights and weekends with. I miss holding hands. I hate always being lonely and always the extra wheel on someone's date. Missionaries are weird. After a while, it seems they aren't real anymore. It's not something you can explain, I think it's only something you understand when you feel it. I'm glad I went to the school tonight, because I was able to be reminded how real he is. How much he loves me and all the good (and awkward) times we had together at that school. I decided though, it's time to see his family again. They make him real for me and they like talking about him just as much as I do. and they listen.
Awww. Kayla you are so cute, and yes this is me stalking you a bit. Haha.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is be super thankful you at least were a somebody in high school. I hated every second of high school- never really fit in, never felt particularly excepted by any group. Partially my fault, yes, because I didn't try much but still. At least you'll be one of those people who treasure that part of your life always, and I'm happy for you for that.
And I'm super impressed how loyal you've stayed to waiting for Cameron. You guys are so cute together and I don't know if I would have had your same strength to wait for a missionary and thankfully I didn't have to.
Anyways, glad to see you're doing well. :)